It seems to me like lots of people want this year to be over. Among
all the other things, 2016 is also apparently the year I totally abandon
this blog and put off certain planned posts by several months.
I guess this is what happens when you take five technical classes at
MIT. The extracurriculars aren’t helping. And the fastest and most
confident writing I do is still reactive, when there’s an
externally-imposed deadline or when “somebody is wrong on the internet”.
This blog isn’t.
Oh well, time to make up for it in 2017.
What happened this year? I’ll start with some serious categories:
This is two days late and it’s not even the post that was supposed to
be here. That will have to wait until I’m less hosed.
ESP just finished running Splash, our
largest annual event in which thousands of high school students come to
MIT’s campus, and MIT community members (mostly) teach whatever they
want to the students. This was the first big program I participated
really deeply in as an ESP admin, and it has this way of eating you
alive and spitting you out full of joy and immersion in life but devoid
of energy and buffer zones for finishing other things by their
deadlines.
On a similar note, thanks for all the birthday wishes from everyone
everywhere. I’m sorry I haven’t found the time to respond or sometimes
reciprocate. This made my day, and probably last couple of weeks
too.
On November 8th, 2016, Donald Trump was elected the 45th President of
the United States. Along with a Republican House and Senate majority, to
boot.
The world around me is still hurting and reeling from the shock.
Make no mistake, I am scared. I am scared of the policies and
executive orders and legal decisions to come that may strip away many
civil rights and send the environment down a worse track faster than
anyone expected, and I’m barely in any of the groups that have the most
to lose. I have no idea what it’s like to go through this as any of you.
I am sorry.
But I am also scared that this fear is driving my friends and my
community away from talking to the people we need to talk to if we want
to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
I’ve heard a lot of people vilify Trump and Trump supporters.
Anecdotally,
so have others. It’s an understandable reaction, but a fragile one.
60 million people voted for Trump.
Quoting
Wait But Why, “[P]eople with kids and parents and jobs and
dogs and calendars on their wall with piano lessons and doctors
appointments and birthday parties written in the squares. Full,
three-dimensional people who voted for what they hope will be a better
future for themselves and their family.”
I had this 5,000-word draft, but I half-abandoned it for being sappy,
boring, pointless, and impossible to rewrite to be satisfactorily
un-cringeworthy. Instead, let me just tell you a couple random stories
and anecdotes that went somewhere near the start. Maybe posting them
will motivate me to salvage something from the 4,500 words that go after
it and post it. Eventually.
Some time ago, Namecheap had a discount, so I bought a domain name
for 88¢. Unfortunately, the discount only lasted for one year;
afterwards, it would cost $29/year to renew. Even though I bought it on
a whim and didn’t have much use for it, I
found myself
wanting to keep it more and more and had a huge mental struggle over
whether I could afford it, because wow, $29 is a lot!
Meanwhile, during the same school year, more or less:
I hate doing things under time pressure, but I have to admit I do a
lot more things when time pressure exists. One of the things is writing.
Another is posting the things I write. They aren’t very good, but
they’re better than writing that doesn’t exist.
It’s interesting that I can impose time pressure on myself by
declaring commitment devices by fiat and it works. Other people have
developed other methods of doing this — I recently discovered
The Most Dangerous
Writing App, which puts time pressure on you to type every five
seconds or it deletes everything you wrote. There are many other ways
it’s done.
content warning: death, existential dread, the usual
I have this memory —
I was a tiny kid, lying in bed and trying to fall asleep, and I
started thinking about death and nonexistence, and I thought about how
one day I wouldn’t exist any more, that there wouldn’t be a me
thinking my thoughts and perceiving my perspective, and suddenly I was
terrified.
I got up and knocked on my parents’ bedroom door and asked them about
this. Maybe. Or maybe I didn’t because the fear was less crippling than
the social awkwardness of randomly knocking on my parents’ door in the
middle of the night to ask them a question like that; I don’t remember.
It was a long time ago, okay?
When I first made myself commit to posting weekly, I was trying to
make myself spend a little time every day of the week thinking and
writing and whittling away at old drafts. Instead I’m here at 10:40 PM
basically starting a brand-new post. Oh well.
I meditated a little bit in
Conversations about “lacking
experience or interest in a lot of the commonly discussed culture.” I
think this applies to me and music as well, although not as fully. Back
in Taiwan, when mentally bracing myself for coming to the U.S. for
college, I sometimes worried about not knowing enough about pop music
and bands and not listening enough to popular albums, and having trouble
integrating into the culture for this.
Turns out, among the communities I wandered into and friends I made,
it was a more frequent obstacle that I didn’t know enough about
classical music and composers. Whoops. Some of the names rang faint
bells from either music class or conversations with high school friends
who did do classical music, but I could not identify or remember any
styles or eras, and would remember composers only by unreliable first
letters or unusual substrings of their names.
I’m out of deep things to say. I don’t usually have deep things to
say. Sorry to anybody who subscribed hoping for more things like the
last post. This is basically going to be a personal stream of
consciousness post. But it’s a stream with a long ancestry, since I
apparently wrote 400 words about it in a WordPress draft four years ago.
This was way back before I even started writing post drafts in Markdown
on my computer instead of directly in WordPress, so I guess it must be
an interesting topic.
Four years ago, Brian2012 was suddenly struck by how many
of the people he knew were such serious gamers. But let’s go back even
earlier, shall we?
A long long time ago, when I was in elementary school or so, my
parents had some sort of reward system where I had to do productive
things, like study or do chores or write diary entries or practice the
piano or something, to earn time on the computer for games. “Gaming
time” was a currency. I enjoyed saving up lots of thirty-minute
increments and knowing I had the freedom to using them slowly.
That much I remember; the details of how it worked are very fuzzy and
I’m not sure what I played in those thirty-minute increments either. I
think there was Neopets and Runescape and Club Penguin. (My Neopets
account still sees sporadic activity, because I get really really bored
sometimes…)
This post’s topic might be the most controversial thing I’ve posted
here ever. I hope the points I want to make aren’t.
One of the excuses for not blogging I came up with and then deleted
while rambling about not
blogging was that I’m getting more feelings about real-world
real-person issues, things that people take heated positions on — it’s
not topics like what food I ate or what games I’m playing in fourth
grade any more — and my identity is pretty public here, so who knows
what’ll happen. Oh well. I’m probably just paranoid.
It’s also delayed, as the articles I’m talking about are old; the
latest two news items are the shootings of Alton Sterling and Philando
Castile and then the police shooting at the Dallas rally. That was also
really sad, but I don’t think I have anything insightful to say about
it. Let me point you to the
MIT
Admissions post, “Black Lives Matter”, and then for something a bit
more optimistic out of a huge range of possible choices,
this
Medium article.
Although after I started writing this post, the story about
a
Muslim man preventing an ISIS suicide bomber came out, so now this
is mildly relevant again. Anyway, I guess the delay is no different from
how I put up life posts weeks after the life event happens. So today, I
bring you two old news articles about Islam that my friends shared and
discussed:
The second one first, whose argument is, to be frank, weak. I think
this piece from The Atlantic by Wood,
“What
ISIS Really Wants”, is a better-researched overview of ISIS while
still being pretty readable. One caveat is that it’s somewhat old. But
its central claim is quite the opposite: